Lyrics


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Mortal Void – The Remaining Fallacies

Mortal Void – The Great Pretending

Krankheitssymptom – Nullsummenspiel

Mortal Void – One Frame Left

Mortal Void – [the process of deleting memories.]

Mortal Void – [the point of no return.]

Mortal Void – Aberratio Mentalis E. P.


 


 


 


 


 

»


 

The Remaining Fallacies

We Try To Fail

if we just try to fail
will we succeed?

we will always be here
and we will always fail

with every step on our bleeding feet
we will regret our words and deeds
this whole thing fails before it begins
so we go on and try to fail

we copy and paste our own mistakes
adrift in this pattern called life
where all the good things seem to be hiding
while all the bad things are colliding

there’s nothing that could take our unrest away
we are living our lives to no avail
but we will go on trying day by day
because we have the ability to fail

we copy and paste our own mistakes
adrift in this pattern called life
where all the good things seem to be hiding
while all the bad things are colliding

[back]

My Head Is Full Of Ghosts

empty faces all around
empty lives that keep me bound
my head is full of ghosts
my head is full of ghosts

you are not here
you have never been there
and the worst thing is
that you don’t even care

after all the things I’ve seen
I can finally say
nothing’s like it should have been
and I’m not here to stay
after all the things I’ve seen
I’d like to say
the world has turned to gray
but it has always been this way

now it seems
things have come to an end
I’ve lost this game
I’ve lost my name
my whole identity
I am not who I thought I’d be

and in case I break, just throw me away
I can’t be fixed, I am astray
and in case I break, don’t contemplate
to mend, to eliminate – ’cause this is the end

after all the things I’ve seen
I can finally say
nothing’s like it should have been
and I’m not here to stay
after all the things I’ve seen
I’d like to say
the world has turned to gray
but it has always been this way

the world hasn’t turned to gray
it has always been this way
nothing’s like it should have been
and I’m not here to stay

[back]

Living On The Surface

what is this life like…?
what does it feel like…?
what is this life like…?
what does it really yield..?

all your stories, all your lies
accumulate, they summarize
they start to bleed out of my ears
out of my nose, out of my eyes

superficial friendships and a dirty grin
and you try to hide the next little sin
a hundred hugs and a thousand faked smiles
carry you away one thousand miles

you are living on the surface
you refuse to see the darkness below
your pretty face in disgrace
you can’t understand the anger you evoke

what is this life like you’re living on the surface
what does it feel like to celebrate this affection
what is this life like you’re living on the surface
what does it really yield, this superficial entity

underneath your exterior you might have to admit
that you don’t really give a shit
you’re on the run from your own disgrace
don’t let anyone come so close to see your true face

[back]

Suffering In The Brightest Light

you plan to live your life the wrong way
you ruin your life intentionally, all day
you amass your pain to show it to the world
searching for the brightest light to present your hurt

yesterday was gruesome but today is just worse
this is your life till now, from birth
your problems seem to increase every day
but the truth is: you don’t want them to go away

you’re suffering in the brightest light
smash a mirror to reflect your pain a thousand times
you’re suffering in the brightest light
everyone can see your pain, this makes you feel alright

every day is such a mess
and every day you seem to feel less
every day you seem to cry louder
and every day you seem to die harder

you’re searching for the brightest light
to present your suffering
you’re standing in the brightest light
and it’s scorching you

[back]

Enemy: Reality

you’re so busy ruining your life
the truth has gone astray
you’re shifting reality away
so far away

you’re locked-in in your self-created cages
[you’re caught in delusions for ages]
your life, destroyed at various stages
[you don’t look back, you just turn the pages]

you’re so busy ruining your life
you celebrate it day by day
you’re shifting reality away
so far away

locked in and caught – you can’t look back

and in the blink of an eye
this pale shadow
of what you used to be
is fading away

you’re locked-in in your self-created cages
[you’re caught in delusions for ages]
your life, destroyed at various stages
[you don’t look back, you just turn the pages]

the world around you will not change
[no matter wherewith you blow your mind]
the world will not adjust with you
[you have to adjust with the world]

[back]

Blunt Retreat

you were supposed to self-reflect
so, I thought, you could
start seeing some mistakes
but you just kept moving on

I guess sometimes
that’s the right way
but if you always keep moving
and don’t look back
you’ll simply forget who you are
there is no chance to self-reflect
and to muse about the past

no reflection
you deny the past
no change at all
you can’t go any further

you were supposed to self-reflect
so, I thought, you could
start seeing some mistakes
but you were running away

I guess that can never
be the right way
cause if you always keep running
and don’t look back
you’ll simply forget who you are
there is no chance to live your life
if you’re always on the run

[back]

»


 

The Great Pretending

Blind, Dead & Empty

I never claimed what I do
would make sense at all
but it works
for this present moment

all these confused thoughts
pretend to guide this empty shell
if it doesn’t work forwards
why not trying backwards?

you’re in the land of the dead
you are in my head
you are searching for answers
but you only find my rotten mind

I don’t care if this is self compassion
I just know I’m back again at the bottom

blind, dead and empty – prevent me
I pretend to be
as long as you pretend to give,
I pretend to live
blind, dead and empty – prevent me
from searching for the answers
blind, dead and empty – prevent me
from falling apart

prevent me
I pretend to be
you pretend to give
I pretend to live

where have all the answers gone?
where do all these questions come from?

[back]

Thanks

my skin is corroding
my senses are fading away
this shell I call body
will barely make it through the day

it’s alright and it’s okay
I’m not suffering, I just decay
you don’t need to care
you really don’t need to care

you see me shattered
you see me on the ground
you see me wasted
and it seems that you don’t care
thanks to all those who let me drown
thanks for leaving me always on my own
thanks to all those who were called friends
thanks for leaving me alone in the end

I don’t know what to do
I don’t know how to prove
I’m still alive
and I will survive
this misery
thanks to all those who let me drown
thanks for leaving me always on my own
thanks to all those who were called friends
thanks for leaving me alone in the end

it’s hard to find no helping hand,
although you always claimed to be a friend
but you don’t even realize
that my world’s breaking like ice

my faith in you is gone
but that’s okay, it’s not your fault
you don’t need to care
you really don’t need to care

you see me shattered
you see me on the ground
you see me wasted
why don’t you fucking care?
thanks to all those who let me drown
thanks for leaving me always on my own
thanks to all those who were called friends
thanks for leaving me alone in the end

I feel like breaking out
but you all keep me bound
I put all my intentions in this song
all my feelings in this sound
thanks to all those who let me drown
thanks for leaving me always on my own
thanks to all those who were called friends
thanks for leaving me alone in the end

[back]

The Great Pretending

so afraid, afraid, afraid, afraid

joking
mistaking
and finally…
…just breaking

of course I know
this is no real solution
and it’s never meant to be
but it just works great for now
so go away, get out of my way
I’ll go on pretending I’m alright and okay
please don’t ask and don’t try to understand
why I choke my hope, kill it with my own hands

I live the great pretending
I wish it was never ending

I know
there’s no need to hate, but I’m so afraid
and I don’t know how else to get rid of it
hating is so much easier than keeping control
but as I hate and hate, I’m getting tired, I’m getting old

I pretend to love while I’m hating
I pretend to live while I’m waiting
I pretend to love while I’m hating
I pretend to live while I’m waiting
to die

nothing hurts more than lies

now you may say I’m a hypocrite
but I can assure you, this all does fit
maybe you got me wrong
I know what I do but not where I belong

[back]

Watching Today Die

meine Existenz zerfällt
bald werde ich verenden
die letzten Scherben meines Traums
halte ich in meinen Händen

tomorrow is already gone
yesterday is too far away to remember
today is just fading away
seems like we’d have a graceful future

there’s no need for tomorrow
the only thing that’s left is sorrow
and while we’re watching today die
we’re helping to kill the future

was heute ist und gestern war
es kommt mir vor als war ich nie da
gefangen in einem schlechten Traum
die Zukunft schon zerstört, zerfetzt

tomorrow is already gone
yesterday is too far away to remember
today is just fading away
seems like we’d have a graceful future

there’s no need for tomorrow
the only thing that’s left is sorrow
and while we’re watching today die
we’re helping to kill the future

[back]

Constantly Denying

empty shell
lack of emotions
thoughts colliding
body collapsing
all hope rotting
existence dying

I’m so sick of lying to myself
so sick of pretending I am happy
and I pretend to be immortal
to survive the boring day

why do all the people we love have to die?
(at least in our minds)
why’s there never the chance for a last goodbye?
(even if we don’t want it)
why does it all inflict wounds and create pain?
(even if we don’t feel it anymore)
why’s there still nothing, nothing we can gain?
(even if we don’t care anymore)

I’m stuck between my ghosts
creating memories, creating my thoughts
they’re always trying to tell me
what I want and what I need
but what I get is something else

it is so different
not just the average of both
a segment from another reality
a reality I never wanted to see

I hoped life would have more to offer

I’m so sick of lying to myself
so sick of pretending I am happy
and I pretend to be immortal
to survive the boring day

why do all the people we love have to die?
(at least in our minds)
why’s there never the chance for a last goodbye?
(even if we don’t want it)
why does it all inflict wounds and create this pain?
(even if we don’t feel it anymore)
why’s there still nothing, nothing we can gain?
(even if we don’t care anymore)

this can’t be true
this can’t be reality

[back]

Never Care

you don’t mind just how I feel
you think just all in your mind is real
never care about what you do to me
never care about what if I flee

from the pain you inflict
from your violent thoughts
from your constant reproaches
from being humiliated

but you never care about me
but you never care what I might feel
but you never care what I see
the only thing you ever see is you

but don’t forget to think
about cause and effect
because you might wonder
about how I react

don’t you see? – you’re destroying me
you’re forcing me to the ground
don’t you see? – you’re killing me
but you only see what’s happening to you

I’m sorry
but you shouldn’t forget
that it wasn’t me
and it’s not my fault
so please don’t blame me
for everything you went through

I’m sorry
but you shouldn’t forget
you also inflict pain on me
and you’re not the only one that feels
so please don’t blame me
for not being able to fix you

I’m not able to fix you – please don’t blame me

[back]

Inflict

you don’t seem to see
the damage you have done
there’s no empathy at all
because no one knows I’m falling

and it seems to me
that you just don’t care
but if you’d want to see
we could go anywhere

or at least give it a try

I cannot sleep for hours,
I cannot sleep for days
I keep asking myself why
and I just wish you would care

it would be so wonderful
if I wouldn’t have lost you
I lost something that I never had
there is no way to avoid the loss
I have to pay what it costs to have
these feelings for someone like you

it may take a year or maybe two
till I’m all clear from emotions, clear from you
and I’ll pretend I got through this
I’ll overcome every thoughts and emotions

I won’t come back this time,
I won’t come back, I promise
but you won’t miss me anyway
you won’t even realize that I’m gone

it would be so wonderful
if I wouldn’t have lost you
I lost something that I never had
there is no way to avoid the loss
I have to pay what it costs to have
these feelings for someone like you

this hole in my heart
is supposed to be replaced by you
or at least fill the hole in my head
by telling me why you don’t care anymore

why don’t you care?

[back]

Wasted Emotion

like the scab from a sore,
I scrape off the memories of you

this wound will necrotize
this wound will cause decay
this pain won’t go away
this pain won’t go away

you’re nothing but a wound that never heals
and to my mind you’re nothing but pollution
just another step away from salvation
you’re nothing but a wasted emotion

it seems the wound is healing
again, I scrape the scab too early
I won’t let this wound heal
there won’t be anything left to feel

this wound will necrotize
this wound will cause decay
it’s not bleeding to the outside
but this wound will make me die

this wound will necrotize
this wound will cause decay
this pain won’t go away
this pain won’t go away

you’re nothing but a wound that never heals
and to my mind you’re nothing but pollution
just another step away from salvation
you’re nothing but a wasted emotion

[back]

The Path I Wander

I turn around for a last time
and I wave goodbye my past
it’s not that I’d welcome the future
but I guess I have no choice

I turn around for a last time
and I see a hundred blurred faces
they seem to smile, they pretend
but maybe they’re making fun of me
I don’t know
and I don’t care
at this point
I just walk my way

I wander down this endless path
I don’t know where it is leading
I hope it’s just leading away from here
I hope at the end I will lose all fear

I passed the point of no return
I won’t turn around this time
I’ll just pretend I am happy
I am happy and everything is fine

I turn around for a last time
and I see a hundred blurred faces
they seem to smile, they pretend
but maybe they’re making fun of me
I don’t know
and I don’t care
at this point
I just walk my way

everything is fine
everything is fine
everything is fine
everything is fine
I still pretend…

[back]

Decline

I’m alone. again? still.
more than ever before and
no one bothers to ask a second…
or at least a first time…

is this what I’ve achieved?

did I construct this wall?
most of you can’t even see me behind
is there anything left but the wall?
oh yeah…but it seems that no one cares

and the one who dares
will fuck it all up anyway
and the next one who dares
will be attacked, will have to pay

this is my way up
I end up falling down
this is my way through
I end up on my own
is this life? I don’t want this
I end up falling down

I’m falling and I can’t wait to hit the ground

I’m giving advices, so many advices
and even if I’m mostly right
this all doesn’t work for myself
every day just makes it worse and worse

it’s like I’m falling faster and faster,
I can’t really say when I’ll hit the ground
but one thing is for sure: I will break my neck
and every other single bone

[back]

Under The Surface

fuck you and your kind words
you know everything you say hurts
so please shut up and keep your thoughts in mind
’cause anything you say could just go make me blind

you and your dead friends – a rotten assembly
grab me with your cold hands
I’m trying to defend me
don’t you ever:
try to fill your fucked up mind
to make yourself feel better
to pretend you got behind
you think you know it all
you think you know who I really am
you think you are so close
but you’re not even scratching the surface

there is no excuse for your misconduct
and your lack of imagination
there is no excuse for your failure
and your sorry existence

there is no excuse for your shallowness
there is no excuse for your lack of imagination

I know you don’t care
so please do not pretend
just because you’re afraid
I’d make it all an end

please shut up
don’t try to say a word
it will be in vain anyway
’cause you can’t hold me back this time

you and your dead friends – a rotten assembly
grab me with your cold hands
I’m trying to defend me
don’t you ever:
try to fill your fucked up mind
to make yourself feel better
to pretend you got behind
you think you know it all
you think you left them all behind
you think you are so close
but you’re not even scratching the surface

[back]

The Last Lie

“and today, we celebrate a funeral”

you promised you’d fix it
you promised you’d make everything alright
all the time I knew that you lie
but I couldn’t make my hope die

there’s a special place in my head
for all those that are dead to me
for those that pushed me too far
there’s a special treatment for people like you:
I let people die in my mind
I know this won’t make it alright
I know this won’t cure anything left behind
but I will make it a mess next time

you promised you’d fix it
you promised you’d make everything alright
all the time I knew that you lie
but I couldn’t make my hope die

there’s a special place in my mind
for those that seem to be blind
for all those that don’t care anymore
there’s a special treatment for people like you:
I let people die in my mind
I know this won’t make it alright
I know this won’t cure anything left behind
but I will make it a mess next time

[back]

»


 

Nullsummenspiel

Weltenkollaps

Kopf voll
Herz leer
Sicht verzerrt
Atmen schwer
Gehör verstört
Geschmack verbittert
Denken Chaos
Fühlen nutzlos

viel zu laut, viel zu laut, grau und groß hat Mensch sie überall gebaut
viel zu grell, viel zu grell, sie kommen auf mich zu, bewegen sich zu schnell
viel zu voll, viel zu voll, sie stopfen meine Welt voll und finden es noch toll
viel zu eng, viel zu eng, gleich gibt es einen Knall – peng

und davor noch einen Schrei:
meine Damen und Herren, genug ist genug
wenn das so weiter geht, schieß ich mir das Hirn zu Brei

und die Welt kollabiert, alles fällt in sich zusammen
und davor noch ein Schrei
meine Damen und Herren, genug ist genug
wenn das so weiter geht, schieß ich mir das Hirn zu Brei<

viel zu aggressiv, viel zu aggressiv, was geht nur in den Leuten vor
in ihren Köpfen ganz tief
viel zu viel, viel zu viel, dieses Chaos überblickt doch echt kein Schwein
viel zu wackelig und zu porös, gleich stürzt alles ein

Weltenkollaps – alles bricht zusammen

und die Welt kollabiert, alles fällt in sich zusammen
doch davor, muss ich nochmal schreien
meine Damen und Herren, genug ist genug
wenn das so weiter geht, schlag ich mir den Kopf bald ein

[back]

Vergessensbalsam

tja so ist das Leben, nichts bekommen, alles geben
aus zwei mach eins und noch eins weniger ist das was bleibt

alle Wunden sind noch nicht verheilt, alle Narben sind noch nich verblasst
und doch schon wieder spür ich, dass du mich noch hasst
wo ist der heilende Balsam, der Balsam des Vergessens – schon wieder leer
aus eins mach zwei und zieh noch eins ab und das was einst war ist nie mehr

zu dick aufgetragen diesmal und herauszubrechen aus der Kruste ist schwer
schwerer als man glaubt und nochmal geb ich meine Wunden garantiert nicht her

alle Wunden sind noch nicht verheilt, alle Narben sind noch nich verblasst
und doch schon wieder spür ich, dass du mich noch hasst
wo ist der heilende Balsam, der Balsam des Vergessens – schon wieder leer
aus eins mach zwei und zieh noch eins ab und das was einst war ist nie mehr

[back]

Kopfspuk

leise Stimmen
lautes Schweigen
rein ins Ohr und wieder raus
auf der anderen Seite
zwischendrin ein wenig verwirrt
Wahngedanken aufgespührt
umstrukturiertes Denken
den Schmerz ablenken
geheucheltes Interesse
gespielte Konzentration
was macht das schon?

lauter kranke Stimmen in meinem Kopf
schweigen viel zu laut, stören mich beim Atmen
stören mich beim Leben, lassen mich immer wieder aufgeben

rennen kreuz und quer
durch meine Nervenbahnen
hin und her
lassen mich verzweifeln
in der Nacht
haben mich um den Schlaf gebracht

vier Stunden
und das immer wieder
halten mich zu kurz gebunden

gestörte Wahrnehmungsfähigkeit, vorgetäuschte Heiterkeit
wohin das wohl noch führen mag…Kopfspuk, den ganzen Tag

[back]

Notstandsausruf

alles was ich sehe macht mich krank, frisst mich auf
und dann beiße ich zurück und dann nimmt es seinen Lauf

und dann rufe ich den Notstand aus:
lass mich raus!
lass mich raus!
lass mich raus!

und sie werden Bücher schreiben, voll von Unverständnis
und sie lachten weil sie dachten, sie könnten mich verstehn

und nun rufe ich den Notstand aus:
lass mich raus!
lass mich raus!
lass mich…

ja ich bau mir meine Mauer auf, rund um mich und meine Welt
ich bau mir eine Mauer, die den Schmerz zusammenhält
ja ich baue mir ein Kunstwerk, ja ich sammle allen Schmerz
ja ich sammle alle Narben, auch die größte dort am Herz

und sie werden Häuser bauen, höher als der eigene Verstand
und sie lachten weil sie dachten, sie hätten was erreicht

und darum rufe ich den Notstand aus:
lass mich raus! raus! raus!

und sie werden weiter gehen, weiter gehen als je zuvor
und ich halt sie von mir weg, schieb ihnen einen Riegel vor

und ich ruf den Notstand aus:
lass mich raus! raus! raus! raus! raus!

ja ich bau mir meine Mauer auf, rund um mich und meine Welt
ich bau mir eine Mauer, die den Schmerz zusammenhält
ja ich baue mir ein Kunstwerk, ja ich sammle allen Schmerz
ja ich sammle alle Narben, auch die größte dort am Herz

ja ich sammle alle Narben, davon hab ich ja genug
verleumde die Erinnerung, gelobige den Selbstbetrug
ich heile jede Wunde selbst, wieder eine Narbe mehr
ja ich heile mich selbst, weil es sonst niemand tut

[back]

Querdenker

immer gegen alle
immer gegen die nächste Wand
deine Gedanken, eine Falle
sie stecken alles in Brand

niemals siehst du ein
niemals wirst du verstehen
niemals gibst du mir eine Chance
niemals wirst du vergeben

alles was ich sage ist falsch
alles verwendest du gegen mich
keiner deiner Gedanken bringt Halt
jeder Gedanke verliert sich im Licht

niemals siehst du ein
niemals wirst du verstehen
niemals gibst du mir eine Chance
niemals wirst du vergeben

[back]

Pseudowirklichkeit

gib mir was von deiner Leidenschaft
weil meine eigene Existenz nur Leid erschafft
gib mir was von deiner Energie denn
ohne sie verfalle ich in tiefste Lethargie

gib mir Leben und gib mir Emotion denn
ohne dein Beisein ist alles schrecklich monoton
hier stehen wir, doch wer sind wir schon?
vom Zahn der Zeit bleiben auch wir nicht verschont

oh bitte…
gib mir was von deiner Leidenschaft
weil meine eigene Existenz nur Leid erschafft
gib mir was von deiner Energie denn
ohne sie verfalle ich in tiefste Lethargie

der Rost der faulenden Welt,
der stetig auf uns herabfällt
der Staub der verronnenen Zeit
erstickt uns, macht sich um uns breit

oh bitte…
gib mir was von deiner Leidenschaft
weil meine eigene Existenz nur Leid erschafft
gib mir was von deiner Energie denn
ohne sie verfalle ich in tiefste Lethargie

gib mir Leben und gib mir Emotion denn
ohne dein Beisein ist alles schrecklich monoton
hier stehen wir, doch wer sind wir schon?
vom Zahn der Zeit bleiben auch wir nicht verschont

keine Zeit für das Klären der Frage nach der Schuld
denn zum Warten, da fehlt mir ganz einfach die Geduld
keine Lust auf den Versuch des Versuchs von …was?
was kann ich noch kriegen, erreichen, bekommen?

[back]

Seitensprung (A > B)

dies ist die Geschichte
von Seite B und Seite A
Seite B ist das, was kommt
und Seite A ist das, was war

Seite A, keine Frage,
die tut weh…doch Seite B?

man versucht zu retten,
was noch zu retten ist
bleibt nur zu hoffen,
dass man auch schnell vergisst
was da kam von Seite A – wenn nicht verneint man es:
“es war nie wahr, war nie gewesen und wird nie sein”
und auf Seite B wahrt man den Schein
und es wird so viel besser sein

doch noch rechtzeitig oder schon zu spät?
wann erfolgt der Abgleich mit der Realität?

beide Seiten übereinander gelegt;
abgeschnitten, was übersteht
und die Schnittmenge, das was bleibt,
das nennt man “Identität”

die konstante Arbeit,
sie scheint so vergeblich
weil man immer sieht,
wie mit der Zeit Seite B verfliegt

Seite A: noch immer da, lässt einen nie im Stich
das Bild der Schnittmenge verliert sich
die Identität wird neu definiert, schon
bevor der nächste Schritt realisiert wird
schrumpft Seite B vollkommen automatisiert

man versucht zu retten,
was noch zu retten ist
bleibt nur zu hoffen,
dass man auch schnell vergisst
was da kam von Seite A – wenn nicht verneint man es:
“es war nie wahr, war nie gewesen und wird nie sein”
und auf Seite B wahrt man den Schein
und es wird so viel besser sein

[back]

Hoffnungsbegräbnis

schon wieder einer dieser Tage die ich nicht mehr ertrage
und schon wieder trage ich meine Hoffnung zu Grabe
wird sie wieder auferstehen, werde ich sie wieder sehen?
nachts an ihrem Grabstein steh’n, sie zurück ins Leben flehen

Tags darauf der gleiche Lauf – das Grab heb’ ich ihr selber aus
manchmal dauert’s etwas länger, manchmal hilft noch jemand mit
manchmal wollt ich sie erhängen, gewöhnlich geb ich ihr den Schnitt
werde ich sie heut erschiessen, wird dann wieder neue sprießen?

eine Woche später – die Hoffnung halb verwest –
grab’ ich sie wieder aus, hol sie zurück ins Leben
neuer Versuch: neues Spiel, neues Glück –
diesmal wird’s vielleicht gelingen, sie endlich mal nicht umzubringen

[back]

Abwärtstrend

du bist der Held
der von jetzt an fällt
in einer Welt
die sonst nichts entstellt

es geht abwärts – du bist der Held
es geht abwärts – du wirst durch nichts entstellt
es geht abwärts – du kreierst dir deine eigene Welt
es geht abwärts – passt bloß gut auf, dass sie dir nicht zerfällt

du bist der Held
der sich selbst entstellt
in einer Welt
die von allein zerfällt

es geht abwärts – du warst der Held
es geht abwärts – du hast dich selbst total entstellt
es geht abwärts – du zerstörst deine eigene Welt
es geht abwärts – bist schuld, dass nun alles zerfällt

du bist kein Held
du hast die Welt entstellt
und alles was du hattest
all das zerfällt

es geht abwärts – du warst nie ein Held
es geht abwärts – du hast dich selbst entstellt
es geht abwärts – du zerstörst deine kleine Welt
es geht abwärts – du bist schuld, dass alles zerfällt

[back]

Kleinkrieg

ich gegen dich, gegen die Welt
was sie im Innersten zusammen hält weißt du nicht
du hast keine Ahnung was du willst
und trotzdem forderst du immer wieder immer mehr

du hast gewonnen
du hast gewonnen
ich hab verloren
und ich bin tot

ich gegen dich, gegen die Welt
hast du mal überlegt, was sie zusammenhält?
davon hast du keine Ahnung, davon weißt du nichts
bevor sie auseinander fällt kämpfst du gegen mich!

heute kannst du nicht gewinnen
auch nicht gestern, nicht mal morgen
die Zeit wird dir verrinnen in den Händen
zwischen deinen Fingern
die du doch eh nur noch nutzt
um aufzuzählen, was du nicht mehr stoppen kannst
was du nicht ändern kannst,
was du nicht verstehst
weil du’s nicht willst

ich gegen dich, gegen die Welt
ich bleib der klägliche Rest
der sie zusammenhält bevor sie auseinander fällt
nimmst du dir nochmal die wichtigsten Teile heraus,
ohne zu zögern: mein Herz und meine Seele

du hast verloren
du hast verloren
ich hab gewonnen
und ich bin tot

du hast verloren
du hast verloren
ich hab gewonnen
und ich bin tot

du hast verloren
du hast verloren
ich hab gewonnen
und du bist tot

[back]

Angstwechsel

immer gleich geblieben
im ständigen Wechsel der Gedanken
die Essenz gewahrt
unendlich unnütz Emotionen gespart
und doch verschwendet an allem und an nichts
was nicht schon dagewesen wäre so oder so

mal wieder Angst vor allem
mal wieder Angst vor nichts
mal wieder etwas anderes
und doch gleich
der gleiche Grundgedanke
mal wieder andere Angst
mal wieder keinen Ausweg
mal wieder keinen Schlaf

im Kreise drehen nach dem Sinn suchen und nichts verstehen
nicht gefunden Nerven geschunden und es ist wieder alles Angst

[back]

»


 

One Frame Left

Contagion

diseases and catastrophes
evoked by mankind
so go on, feigning hypocrite
I’m not that blind

contagion, contagion
I’m not infected, I can resist
contagion, contagion
I am immune, I’m not that blind

confess, confess, you celebrate your lies
thruth is gone far away, nothing behind
confess, confess, you celebrate your hate
to surive, this the only way for you

confess, confess, you celebrate your destruction
want to control everything, can’t control yourself
confess, confess, you celebrate your decline
so go on, on your path of self destruction

contagion, contagion
I’m not infected, I can resist

contagion, contagion
I am immune, I’m not that blind

you celebrate your lies
you celebrate your hate
you celebrate your destruction
you celebrate your decline

contagion, contagion
I’m not infected, I can resist

contagion, contagion
I am immune, I’m not that blind

you celebrate…
you celebrate…
you celebrate…
you celebrate your decline

[back]

Disease: Emotion

wading through a swamp
of self despite and doubts
not realizing
that every step goes deeper inside

rotting butterflies in the stomach
I raped them, I raped them
rotting thoughts in a rotten head
I raped them, I raped them

feelings are not allowed
all emotions are dead
pawn your life
blast your heart and your head

you are not allowed to feel
you will never be able to heal
don’t try to fix a broken frame
’cause it will never be the same

distorted view
hard breathing
mind chaos
lack of emotions

rotting butterflies in the stomach
I raped them, I raped them
rotting thoughts in a rotten head
I raped them, I raped them

feelings are not allowed
all emotions are dead
pawn your life
blast your heart and your head

you are not allowed to feel
you will never be able to heal
don’t try to fix a broken frame
’cause it will never be the same

[back]

Rotting Away

my weak flesh
my dead mind
I’m not a part
of mankind
anymore

someone forbid me to be happy
someone pushed me slightly to the edge
someone gives me the final kick
someone lets me fall into this hole

and I wish I could feel again

this is the last time
I face my disgrace
I smash the mirror, creating
the reflections in my head

no more hope, no more lies

someone forbid me to be happy
someone pushed me slightly to the edge
someone gives me the final kick
someone lets me fall into this hole

I curse the past
I fear the future
I ignore the present
I waste my life
I curse the past
I fear the future
I ignore the present
…what am I?

[back]

Downwards

I knew I would fall,
but I could never imagine
that it would be so deep

my whole life is about forgetting
it’s my most valuable skill

I’m just trying to fix
the side effects of the fixes
of the side effects of the fixes
of the side effects of the fixes

there’s no future
I don’t have a choice
I don’t have any control
so I can’t make mistakes, can I?

no matter how much I try and hide this,
bit by bit, I fall apart

I wonder if running is going to resolve anything
I wonder if running is just another fix to a fix
to a fix to a fix to a fix to a problem I can’t remember

I only feel contempt towards myself
I pray not to feel anything ever again
this is all going to hurt so much
for the rest of my life

there’s no future
I don’t have a choice
I don’t have any control
so I can’t make mistakes, can I?

and here I stand,
just waiting for the next disaster

[back]

Imitation

pious christ, come get your knives
to lose control, to cut their throats
pious fist, so strong and high
pierced through the wrists, no sense inside

pious christ – you will drown in your lies
don’t try to face God – you’ll see a blind man’s eyes
pious christ – you will drown in your faith
don’t try to spread your love – it will turn into hate

pious life, hypocrisy everywhere
insincerity rules your fucking being
pious hypocrite, come and see yourself
in a broken mirror, in a broken world

pious christ – just an imitation of a fantasy
pious christ – you got no life, you got no identitiy
pious christ – you don’t make your fingers to a fist
pious christ – come on now, come and cut your wrists

[back]

Human Bomb

the will to die
for straight believe
you want almighty power
but you can’t achieve
only minds are free
even in tyranny

a human bomb
fighting for believe
a human bomb
trying to achieve
it’s aim to fight
against the rest of the world
against all unbelievers

you set your brains on fire
you’re on a holy march
you’re imposing your believe
like they did to you
you search for a way
to fulfill your prophecy

die for your god
shed their blood
this is the age
of pure blind rage

a human bomb
enforcing it’s will
a human bomb
always ready to kill
to preserve it’s dogma
against the rest of the world
against all unbelievers

you set your brains on fire
you’re on a holy march
you’re imposing your believe
like they did to you
you search for a way
to fulfill your prophecy

you hope you’ll – one day – kill all enemies

[back]

Hollow/Shallow

all my thoughts so hollow
feels like I’m haunted
lost in the fog, lost in my mind
I’m afraid I’ll go blind
…or just lose my mind

all my life, all I see
it seems so shallow
who am I?
I can’t feel reality!

I’ll keep my mind clear from thoughts
I’ll keep my heart clear from emotions
I’ll try, I promise
I’ll fail, I know

I can’t find my way in reality
everything is like a compulsion put on me
I can barly breathe
just can’t devide dream and reality

this is my official version of the truth
this is version zero point nine
I will let you know when I finished this
…when sanity has become mine

[back]

Era Of Destruction

I turn the self pity in which you bath
into pure corrosive acid
your tears will turn out as poison
your blood will become a virus

I walk through your streets
I burn everything down
I won’t let any light left

I feed from your hate
I point out your fears
you will die anyway
so don’t waste your tears

this world will suffocate from my vomiting
this world will drown in my blood
this world will burn in the fire I breathe out
this world is dead and it killed itself

living your lives will feel like:
a stab of thousand butcher knifes
when I raped your world
when I burned the earth

staying alive will feel like:
an impossible case of luck
that won’t last really long
’cause your existence is wrong

[back]

Ghosts

dead souls, breeding mind
distorted thoughts, nothing behind
captured shadows, locked far from light
screaming out the pain inside

groups of bodies on their march
looking for a place to hide
searching for their rotten hearts
happiness, they’ll never find
scream as loud as you can
noone will hear you
try to flee from your eternal sadness
it will last for all times

no opinion, no own thoughts
no human feelings, you’re just a ghost
a slave of society – a ghost
that’s all you’ll ever be

don’t say anything, follow their rules
for eternity, you’re lost
don’t ask for anything, just do what they say
you’re just a ghost, you are just a ghost

groups of bodies on their march
looking for a place to hide
searching for their rotten hearts
happiness, they’ll never find
scream as loud as you can
noone will hear you
try to flee from your eternal sadness
it will last for all times

[back]

Spit At You

welcome to my nightmare
welcome to my world, my reality
welcome to my darkest dream
welcome to my sweet revenge

your heart beats in the rhythm of fear
you know this is your last breath, my dear
when you see the hatred in my eyes
your heart knows but your mind still denies

now you see how fast
my hate can be unbound
now you see how fast
love can turn into hate
now you see a little bit
more than before
but you still see nothing
you still are nothing

now you regret what you did
now you confess all your sins
now you have to pay for all this shit
now you realize – the pain begins

I fed up with you, I spit at you
I spread my deadly disease
soon you will be infected by my hate
and you can’t deny that you can’t defy
I offend you, I spit at you
I spread the sweet smell of hate
and the rain can’t wash it away
it just distorts your face

[back]

Another Breakdown

I hoped there would be
an endless fall
now I am back on the ground
and I didn’t recognize at all
that I’m still…

searching for something that can’t be found
I am not falling, I am back on the ground
trying to escape from here, but I’m still bound
no I am not falling, I’m just back on the ground

I hoped you would hear
my final call
this last screaming sound
and I didn’t recognize at all
that I’m still…

searching for something that can’t be found
I am not falling, I am back on the ground
trying to escape from here, but I’m still bound
no I am not falling, I’m just back on the ground

the only one who could catch me, stop me from falling
does not seem to be interested, does not hear my calling

searching for something that can’t be found
I am not falling, I am back on the ground
trying to escape from here, but I’m still bound
no I am not falling, I’m just back on the ground

I feel like I’m falling asleep…
and I know I will never wake up again…

[back]

»


 

[the process of deleting memories.]

Words

your words, they can not heal
the pain I feel inside
I’m walking on the streets tonight
I’m full of scorn and hate and fright

every word you say seems like a shotgun
punching holes in me, pushing me back
back from where we came
the time when everything seemed so perfect

no tears, just pain, I lose, no gain (for me)

I hate every word
that crosses your lips
I try to sew up your mouth
and I wish you’d remain silent

I fear every word
that crosses you lips
I try to run away from you
but I will never find my peace

and I cry
and I die

will you cry?
will you die?

will you understand my words?

[back]

Come To Me

lie to me, betray me
fuck me, crash me
hurt me, deny me
come to me, come to me

blind me, benumb me
condemn me, wipe me out
scare me, accuse me
come to me, come to me

this is the final act of striking back
come to me and break my neck
cut off my head and lick the wound
crush my bones and hear the sound

refuse me, rape me
burn me, bury me
do whatever you want but
come to me, come to me

this is the final act of striking back
come to me and break my neck
cut off my head and lick the wound
crush my bones and hear the sound

hate me for what I am
fuck me because you like it
kill me cause you don’t need no reason
do anything you want cause it’s just me

hate me, fuck me, kill me

[back]

The Poison (In My Veins)

Gedankengift
durchfliesst meine Nervenbahnen
windet sich in meiner Blutbahn
raubt mir den Verstand

das Gift in mir pulsiert
lässt meine Venen platzen
beschleunigt meinen Schmerz
erreicht schon bald mein Herz

I amass the poison, I amass the pain
to let it out, to spit it in your face
maybe it will kill me, but maybe I’ll survive
the only thing for sure is that you are gonna die

dies ist dein Hass
der Hass den du verdient hast
Hass den du niemals wolltest
doch jetzt hast du verloren

lügen, heucheln, das kannst du gut
nun spüre meine Wut – nimm mein Gift auf
nimm es auf! nimm es auf!

I amass the poison, I amass the pain
to let it out, to spit it in your face
maybe it will kill me, maybe you will die
the only thing for sure is that I won’t survive

[back]

Embryo Suicide

unborn
but stubborn
your will
to live

pleasant anticipation of life
but also fear of the unknown
the fear outweights
and you decide that you’re better off dead

unborn
stubborn
running on
the edge of life

what if you could decide
about your life?

what if you
would know
what’s waiting for you?
what’s waiting for you?

will you discover?
will you find out?
is it worth?
will you regret?

[back]

»


 

[the point of no return.]

Lack Of Reality

cracked reality
distorted perception
paranoid visions
anxiety states

unchained fear
tumbling emotions
embracing coldness
spreading blood

now I see you with the razorblade in your hand
smiling, almost like an angel, but acting like the devil
now I see you with the razorblade in your hand
finishing your work, making it all an end

I turn around
with my bloody back
on the ground
looking at this lack

now I see you with the razorblade in your hand
smiling, almost like an angel, but acting like the devil
now I see you with the razorblade in your hand
finishing your work, making it all an end

[back]

My Own Hell

it’s cold in here
and I can’t deny
that I’m full of fear
and I say goodbye
I try to flee
but there’s no escape

it’s my own hell

my own hell – I’m blind and numb
I can’t realize what you have done (to me again)
I curse this circle of repetitions
so please show mercy and let me die

I’m here, I’m numb
I don’t need to be protected
just hurt me once again
and you will be infected

I spread my disease

my own hell – I’m blind and numb
I can’t realize what you have done (to me again)
I curse this circle of repetitions
so please show mercy and let me die

I’m captured – no way out
as it has been so often before
I don’t understand what this all is about
and I despair once more

my own hell – I’m blind and numb
I can’t realize what you have done (to me again)
I curse this circle of repetitions
so please show mercy and let me die

my dreams fall down, collapse like a house of cards
I try to fix them, try to repair but they’re just torn apart

[back]

Fading

the sun is gone
clouds arise
no beam of light
(and I can’t forget
and I can’t forgive)

the light is gone
darkness stays
no hope in darkness
(and I can’t forget
and I can’t forgive) too many things stand open
too many questions remain

in this time I have to walk alone
you say you need me but I can’t believe
I can’t trust you, too much of your lies
we better walk our own ways from now

all hope is gone
despair remains
nothing’s left
nothing else
(and I can’t forget
and I can’t forgive)

too deaf to hear
too blind to see
too exhausted to speak
too numb to feel
I’m broken

too many things stand open
too many questions remain

in this time I have to walk alone
you say you need me but I can’t believe
I can’t trust you, too much of your lies
we better walk our own ways from now

my life is gone
void remains
a mortal void
that wipes me out
(and I can’t forget
and I can’t forgive)

even pain is gone
nothing remains
nothing’s left
nothing
(and I can’t forget
and I can’t forgive)

in this time I have to walk alone
you say you need me but I can’t believe
I can’t trust you, too much of your lies
we better walk our own ways from now

out of order
no stand by mode

[back]

Don’t Take The Next Step

don’t breathe
don’t look at me
don’t touch
don’t speak to me

I’m just rotting away
things just falling apart
take me out of this hole
wipe out my past

I’m just falling apart
things just rotting away
take them away from me
just wipe me out

stay away from me, you can’t help me
but you try and try till you despair

don’t blame me, just stay away from me
and you will survive without me

the next look at me could burn your eyes
better search for another victim

the next breath will maybe be your last
so take it deeply…enjoy it

the next words could be your last
so better fucking think about them

the next touch could make me explode
and maybe kill you or me

[back]

»


 

Aberratio Mentalis E. P.

Schwarzes Eis

starrer Blick
Blick ins Leere
kannst mir nicht helfen
kannst mich nicht schmelzen
ein Blick so schwarz
und kalt wie Eis
egal was du tust
du wirst an mir erfriern

mein Herz ist erfroren
in tausend Teile zerbrochen
doch ich habe mir darum einen Schutzwall aufgebaut
einen Wall aus schwarzem Eis

du kannst mir nicht helfen
(kannst) mich nicht mehr verletzen
egal was du versuchst
du wirst an mir erfriern
meine Kälte kommt von innen
du kannst sie nicht zerstören
egal was du tust
du wirst an mir erfriern

meine Kälte kommt von innen
du kannst sie nicht zerstören
egal was du tust
ganz egal was du tust

[back]

The Mirror

I see the reflection of myself
I can’t face the fear
I say to myself that it’s not me
..it’s just a wretched soul

and again I look into the mirror
and again I wish I could be someone else
and again I try to cut my face
and again my scars tell me: it won’t be the last time

I smash the mirror…
but what is broken?
is it the mirror?
or is it me?

see the blood
look at the broken mirror
see the void
look at your broken soul
cut your life away
there’s no repantance
cut your life away
…there’s no need

[back]

Cursed Silence

I stay on a cold empty floor amid a mass of nothing
– not distinguishing, not discerning that I belong to

I see a light shining on me, shining through me
– casting no shadow, absorbing no light

I hear the everlasting noise of silence
– screaming at it, screaming out for one last wish
I’m begging for letting the noise die now
and resurrect as silence

I hear the everlasting noise of silence
– not breaking it, but breaking by it

I feel the walls coming closer, nearly touching my skin
– gliding through me, colliding

I hear the everlasting noise of silence
– screaming at it, screaming out for one last wish
I’m begging for letting the noise die now
and resurrect as silence

I hear the everlasting noise of silence
– screaming at it, screaming out for one last wish

I taste the perverse stench of nothingness
– poisoning my senses

I hear the everlasting noise of silence
– screaming at it, screaming out for one last wish
I’m begging for letting the noise die now
and resurrect as silence

[back]

Overtaking Past

take away all my well-being and give my pain back instead
replace my soul with the acknowledged pain
my soul which filled the place of the black hole
which you teared open again

as the clouds pass, I try to run after them
try to flee from the trap called past
but I can’t run fast enough my past is overtaking me
and I can’t run fast enough to reach the clouds
I try to reach my dreams but it’s all in vain

take away my joy, take (away) my last breath
take away the glitter you gave my eyes
and insert the shards of my dreams as a replacement

as the clouds pass, I try to run after them
try to flee from the trap called past
but I can’t run fast enough my past is overtaking me
and I can’t run fast enough to reach the clouds
I try to reach my dreams but it’s all in vain

[back]

Mechanical

enjoying the darkness, playing in the dirt
mechanical movements, nothing can make them hurt
numbness around them, frail phenotype
eyes without emotions, transparent bodies awake, resurrect, struggle to get out
reanimate just for one more time
raise the last little life in you
try to surive together with your equals

screaming and helpless but nobody hears
because they got no voices, because they got no ears
ignoring themselves, overlooking each other
they can’t help themselves, not even their brothers

helpless, anxious, desperation grows
increasing longing in their mechanical souls
attempt to break out from their starched shells
seeing their eyes – the last hope dying

screaming and helpless but nobody hears
because they got no voices, because they got no ears
ignoring themselves, overlooking each other
they can’t help themselves, not even their brothers

[back]

Hatred

visions of hate calling from my blood
signs of rage seeking in my eyes
don’t try to hide, this is evoked
this is what you wanted, this is your fate

I step into your dreams
I show you what you really are
I unfold your hidden weakness
I break your breeding injustice

dont’t think about, it is too late
you can’t undo your mistakes
now you beg for forgiveness
but no one hears

I step into your dreams
I show you what you really are
I unfold your hidden weakness
I break your breeding injustice

and I see you again making the same mistakes
and I see you again asking for a new chance
and again I’m here to bring your fate
but now the time has come to strike back